I have been away from this site for over a month, it seems like an age! I have been travelling from Holland to Spain and organising my life. During this time I have been thinking about ‘Male eXperience’, its direction, its future and how it relates to your life. It’s going well and getting recognition around the net. It is doing its job, helping you look at yourself. But is this enough, is this its true focus? Can I focus the site more accurately, to achieve better results, to gain more depth and to help you in a more identifiable way.

In pursuit of this greater focus I see three areas that I need to get clarity on. They are:

What is ‘Male eXperience’ for?

Who is its target audience?

What is the issue that causes the greatest pain?

What Is ‘Male eXperience’ For?

The direction of ‘Male eXperience’ has always been towards help and education for you. It’s aim is to demonstrate how you, as a man, can behave in this modern age, how you can be with yourself and how you can relate to women. There plenty sites that can help you understand how to dress, how to be a dad, how important sports are or even how to date a woman. What I think is needed is help for you on how to improve yourself as a man and how to relate to women.

Most men experience emotional pain, I know I have been there. What we find difficult is expressing that pain and seeking help for it. We know we want to change, we just don’t know how. It is my intention to show you how, what you need to do to become the man who lives the life you seek.

Does this align with your view? Is this why you come to the site? What am I not seeing? How can I improve what the site offers?

Who Is Its Target Audience?

In my mind I am speaking to two men.

• You are in your 30′s, you do not have a relationship and are looking for one. You are trying to establish yourself as a man and finding that what you relied on in the past doesn’t work any more. You find that your upbringing hampers your growth and you are unsure about who you are.
• You are in your 50′s, you have are in a long-term relationship which you find is not working any more. You don’t know whether to move on or try a new approach. You are looking for ways to change your view on who you are. You find that your approach, as a man, is wanting and you are looking for a new way.

This does not exclude others of you who can still find help and guidance. Do you fall within these categories, are you getting the help you want?

What Is The Issue That Causes The Greatest Pain?

This is perhaps the crux of what I am doing. Isolating this will open the way to helping thousands, perhaps millions, of men. I am currently looking at two issues:

• When you do not feel you are showing up as a man in the world and do not feel that people respect you. There is a level of presence and certainty that establishes men as as ‘masculine’, when this is not there for you the effect can be devastating and can cause you great pain. Usually this situation results from a your upbringing and education rather from any innate lack in you.
• When you find it difficult to relate to women. You either cannot form lasting relationships or you find that the ones you do have are painful or destructive. This usually stems from a your view of yourself rather an inability with women as such.

Have you found these areas painful? What has hurt you? Where is your pain now?

Focus on Men Survey

To help me understand who I am speaking to and what the issues are that most exercise you I have attached below a short survey for you to complete. This will give me vital information and help me help you. It will only take a few minutes.

Thank you completing the survey, your contribution will not only help ‘Male eXperience’ but also men worldwide. If you have any further comments either on the survey as a whole or on the general issues raised please use the comments below.

(Note: If it doesn’t appear it’s because you have already completed it!)

Technorati Tags: certainty, education, emotional pain, pain, Power, Presence, Relationships, women

It’s published!

The first in the series of eBooks ‘men and..‘, is ‘men and.. Male Energy‘.

It is important to me to set out what I see is at the root of masculinity. In Male eXperience I seek to guide men into re-awakening their masculine core. There is a need for men to re-connect with their core, becoming grounded and certain.

This eBook is an introduction to the world of men and masculinity, as I see it. There are many good men in this world but not enough who appear to be confident in their masculinity. By this I mean men who know who they are, what their place in the world is and who can take anything the world throws at them. Men who are grounded and who stand like rocks while the world swirls around them. Men who are focused and determined, who achieve their vision.

The ebook lays out what masculinity is. Read it and see what I mean.

This ebook is free. I ask that you sign up to the email list so I can keep you in touch with developments.

If you like it? Please spread the message! Send it to your male friends. Give it to your Partner (if you are a woman). Review it. Quote it. Use this link, malenergy.com, help me connect to those reading it.

Whatever you do, it’s time to start taking control of your life.

Start taking ACTION towards making your dreams a reality.

Share this message, show your support for my work to re-awaken men’s core on Facebook & Twitter!

To get the eBook just sign up below or go to Male Energy!

Read and Enjoy!

Technorati Tags: ebook, grounding, Male Energy, Masculinity, Men, men and, Presence

This is my look at what there has been on Men on the Internet in May. There is not as much as there should be that looks at Men’s Issues in a serious and enlightened way. It is my intention to promote what there is to help us all reach a wider audience. If you know of anything interesting that I have missed please highlight it in the comments.

This month I feature Jayson Gaddis, The Good Men Project, Primer Magazine, The Art of Manliness, Citizen renegade and The Art of Non-Conformity.

Jayson Gaddis has announced the Evolving Men’s Conference. It’s Purpose Statement is “To bring together leaders of various men’s organizations to brainstorm the development of an Evolving Men’s Conference that galvanizes the men’s movement, promotes collaboration among different men’s organizations, and evolves the consciousness of men around the world.” A pre-conference will be held in Boulder in September 2010 with the main conference in 2011. This is definitely something to get involved in, I will be there.

The Good Men Project is looking for Bloggers for it’s forthcoming Online Magazine. As they say, “On June 1st, 2010, The Good Men Project will also be a full online magazine. And…here’s where you come in…We’re looking for bloggers — any interested writers — who want to be a part of the project.” Contact them and get writing. This is an important project.

Primer Magazine has an article worth reading on “The Secret to Having a Commanding Presence“. Antwan McLean says, “Nothing can ever take the place of presence. The world is simply a reflection of the energy we put out from within. Consider the fact that it is impossible for someone to know your history at first glance. You don’t walk around with a resume taped to your chest announcing your finer points to the world. People are drawn and respond to the physical energy you display.” Presence is absolutely essential to a man’s development, read more about and start working on it.

In The Art of Manliness, Brett and Kate Mackay get down to describing “What is Manliness?“. They say, ” So my definition of manliness, like Aristotle’s and the Romans, is simple: striving for excellence and virtue in all areas of your life, fulfilling your potential as a man, and being the absolute best brother, friend, husband, father and citizen you can be. This mission is fulfilled by the cultivation of manly virtues like: Courage, Loyalty, Industry, Resiliency, Resolution, Personal Responsibility, Self-Reliance, Integrity, Sacrifice.” I agree with so much of this and I feel that we need to spend more time outlining the qualities men should strive for.

Citizen Renegade has a fun piece of “Beta or Herb?“. I don’t agree with the Alpha obsession of this, and similar, blogs, but, nevertheless it does have some interesting stuff to say, from time to time. His description of a ‘Herb’ as, “a schlumpy, nondescript white guy with no fashion sense, chin, or sexual gravitas, who has managed to hook up with a cute chick” has a resonance.

Lastly in The Art of Non-Conformity, Chris Guillebeau talks about “How to be a Motivational Speaker“. Chris does not write on Men’s Issues but more gneerally about how to take on the world. This article focuses on Passion, “You can’t just BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. No one likes that shit. What you should do is BE PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING. Show up and talk about something you give a damn about. Your passion will be motivational in itself.” He is definitely worth reading.

I hope you enjoyed the articles and would like to see more of this type of writing. Let me know in the comments what I have missed and what you would like to see in June’s edition.

Technorati Tags: manliness, Masculinity, Men, Passion, Presence

No, not by keeping it in the fridge, you want it hot not cold!

I was talking about my relationship to a female friend, talking about men in general and how they just don’t step up. She loved what I had to tell her, “I am in awe of the radiance of your relationship”, she said, but she still did not understand how to keep an exciting relationship at its initial level over time.

My answer was simple, “You need to start afresh every day. Treat every day as if it was the start of the relationship”. “But how do you do that?” she said.

That, of course, is where the simplicity ends. The eXperience starts before the relationship does and it starts with the man and his presence. Male eXperience is not intended to be a relationship or dating site but when talking about showing up as a man it becomes impossible to leave relationships out of the equation.

So here is a quick, 10 step, run-down, for men, on how to get it going and keep it fresh.

1. Treat your partner as a goddess.

Because she is, otherwise why would you love her? If you don’t know how to do this then just think of everything you do as a form of worship. Make all you rinteractions sacred, you’ll soon get the message from her responses.

2. Be fully present.

When you are with her let everything else go, she is the most important part of your world. Focus on her and show that you can take anything she does without flinching.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

If in doubt, ask. You will often be in doubt, because you won’t understand what is going on in her head. That’s OK as long as you don’t assume you know what’s going on and get it completely wrong. To her that shows you haven’t been listening.

4. Understand the power of polarity.

Relationships thrive on polarity. The polarity of a masculine man in his core and a feminine woman in her core is electrifying. Keep the polarity at the forefront of the relationship and do all you can to encourage it. Believe me you will enjoy it.

5. Look your best.

Act as you did when you were first going out. Look at how you dress, how you present yourself. She wants you to behave as you did in the beginning, she wants you to keep the excitement there. Don’t become a slob!

6. Take the lead.

Men often let their woman take the lead and decide what to do. That is so wrong. Always take the lead in making decisions but ensure that you give her the space to have her say. The best is if you make the decision to do what she wants without appearing to. That’s a winner.

7. Remember she needs constant attention.

This is the absolute number one in being with a woman. Much of what she does is, in fact, to remind you of this. You can never give too much attention. If in doubt just do it.

8. Don’t take it personally.

Never, ever take anything she does, or says, personally. It is usually about something going on in her head which has nothing to do with you. While she is the most important person in your world, she is in her world. Let her be and don’t get beaten down, it’s not about you.

9. Never just say goodnight.

I really shouldn’t have to say this! Let any difficulties go at the end of the day and hold her in your arms. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to go from here.

10. Start afresh each day.

Start again as if it was the first day of the relationship. Take the ideas in the previous stage and expand on them. Welcome her into your world and look forward to your day together. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to go from here.

Sometimes it can seem overwhelming to put all these into practice at once. If that is the case then just introduce them one or two at a time. Remember to start afresh each day no matter what happened yesterday. The past does not equal the future.

If in doubt just give her constant attention.

Technorati Tags: energy, essence, feminine, focus, masculine, Polarity, Presence, women

Nelson Mandela took the world by storm when he became President of the new South Africa. His presence before his former captors was an example to men everywhere. His focus and dedication in the face of his incarceration seemed almost super-human. But was it? Was he something special, or was he an example of the power of a man in his core, a man who knew himself and his purpose?

Men, when they ‘get it’ can be amazingly powerful, but how do they get there and why should they?

David’s life changed dramatically when he recently started a relationship with Sarah, a girl he had known and worked with for over three years. They had both been looking for their soulmate without realising that he/she was there in font of their eyes all the time. they were great friends and loved each other’s company.

It had never occurred to either of them that there was, or could be, anything more. Yet each was seeking what was missing in their life. Then, one day, the spark happened and their lives were transformed. They are living together now, even though they are from different countries, and are expecting a baby in the next few weeks.

So what changed, what happened? Where did the magic come from? What sparked?

The details of the story are irrelevant, what matters is the forces at work behind the individuals concerned.

Shakti Gawain in her book, ‘Living in the Light’, said,

“It is the Energy of the Universe moving through us that transforms, not the particular things we do. … Whether you are … taking a walk or building a house, if you’re doing it with a sense of being right where you want to be and doing what you want to be doing, that fullness and joy in the experience will be felt by everyone around you. … You will see proof of it in watching the changes in people.”

The energy of the universe runs through and influences us all. It is this that is responsible for the monumental changes such as the one that David and Sarah went through.

But how did this energy work its magic and transform two people? How did it create this blend of masculinity and femininity that is now producing new life?

Cheta, my partner, and I have been talking about the moment the spark happens, the moment everything changes. What are the actual forces that are working in people? We are particularly interested in this because it happened in our lives, allowing us to create the wonderful relationship we have.

In our work with men and women we have found that archetypes and stories often hold the key to age old mysteries. The parallel stories of Sleeping Beauty and the Frog Prince look at the essence of a person being put to sleep or hidden from the world. This continues until the ‘mysterious stranger’ comes along and kisses the Beauty/Frog. Then a transformation happens and the pair fall in love and live happily ever after.

So the answer is a kiss? No, not quite! Neither sex are waiting for their future partner to come along and kiss them, thus revealing, at last, their inner core, even if they think that’s the situation. The kiss is a metaphor and they key is to isolate what the metaphor is.

This leads us back to Shakti Gawain’s ‘Energy of the Universe’. There is a moment when the energy is revealed in all its power. That moment is when the initial spark of polarity fires between two people. Suddenly everything is clear and exciting. It is the moment often described as ‘love at first sight’. Shakti Gawain describes it as the moment you have a sense of being right where you want to be and doing what you want to be doing. At that moment the fullness and joy in the experience will be felt by everyone around you.

This happens between two people. The energy of polarity is revealed and acts as a catalyst in two people. That catalyst starts the transformation that moves the man into his masculinity and the woman into her femininity. Most of us know that moment, many of us have felt the spark.

It is at this point that men need to move into top gear and start working on how they show up as a man. I have talked a lot in these pages on this subject and i will be talking about it a lot more. Men are prone to leave this bit out and wonder, later on, why the spark died why the magic didn’t continue.

That initial spark of polarity is just a catalyst, it is just there to set off the chain reaction, not to keep it going. It reveals the infinite potential of polarity as a force between two people, the power that can exist between them, the excitement that comes from the interaction of their cores. Men need to harness that power, need to feel that excitement, need to fully experience the polarity and bring it into their life as a permanent feature. They need to develop their own power, strength and presence and take the woman by storm.

Rumi the 13th century poet said,

“A man’s head may be filled with knowledge of meaningless worldly matters, he may be familiar with all the sciences, and yet not know his own soul. He knows the special properties of every substance, but he is as ignorant as an ass about the nature of his own essence. He declares, “I know what is permissable and what is not,” but he does not know if his own actions are permissable. He knows the precise value of every article he buys and sells; but in his folly he does not know his own value. He has learned to distinguish auspicious stars from inauspicious ones, but he does not examine his soul to see if he is in a fortunate or poor spiritual state. To know yourself, and to live your life in anticipation of the Day of Jusgement, is to master the highest science.”

He needs to discover what his essence is and let it, help it, grow.

Why is this important? Why not just enjoy the initial spark of polarity while it lasts and let the future be what it may be?

David is in the full throws of the amazing passion he has discovered, Sarah is overwhelmed by the impending birth. Life is changing before her eyes in ways that she didn’t anticipate a few months ago. This period can be hateful for a woman, that’s why the hormones let you forget it once the baby is born. She wants to escape from it and thinks it would be great to go travelling the world, once the baby is born. She has a year’s maternity leave, why not use it to go to new places? David starts asking round seeking ideas for where to go.

Of course for him this seems a great idea. But as a man it’s his role to see beyond the irrationality of his woman. It is for him to see what she doesn’t yet see. There will be a vulnerable baby in the first few months of life that needs to be cared for and nurtured. There will be a woman in the throws, potentially, of post-natal depression, a woman for whom life may not make sense any more, a woman trying to come to terms with new responsibilities. It’s for him to think of his family and gently shift the idea into something practical. He will have a family to think of, they need him to be rational and be a man. They rely on him to guide and look after them.

Men are leaders not because they are better than women but because they can have the ability to focus and see beyond the immediate surroundings. They can live beyond this moment into the future. Women can be overwhelmed by their own emotions and the family they look after and can miss the bigger picture.

Men are leaders because they can extrapolate this beyond their immediate family. Nelson Mandela had the focus and foresight to see beyond the immediate surroundings of the prison cell he was held in for 27 years to the needs of his country. He was able to subjugate his needs to those of his people. That is the essence of a man.

Technorati Tags: Archetypes, core essence, energy, essence, feminine, focus, masculine, Presence, women

At dinner, the other night, I was discussing men with with two ladies. We were sitting in a small Indian cafe in Little India in Singapore. My partner and I were talking about our relationship, how strong it is and what shifts we had to make to allow it to happen. Our friend told us about a man  she had been with at lunch who was having issues with his girlfriend.

He was dealing with the issues of a long term relationship and the wildness of his woman. This is, of course, something that all men have to deal with if they want their relationship to work. They had reached a point where things were rocky and he needed to take action. He called her and asked her to come to Singapore so they could talk things out. So, reluctantly, she came and they talked and talked. She decided things weren’t going anywhere and went back to Hong Kong. He now sits in Singapore agonising over what to do and talking to our friend about it, seeking help.

So our friend wanted me to talk to this man and help him to see how to step up and be a man.

I wasn’t able to organise it but through this post at least I can help others in the same predicament.

Having reached a rocky stage he made four critical errors that ensured the relationship would fall apart completely. These four errors centred on his behaviour as a man. If you already know what they are you can stop reading, you are in a great state. If you can’t see them yet you need some help so keep reading. These errors are so basic in our relationships with women that dealing with them can transform our lives.

First error was that he asked her to come to him. You may think that this shows his strength as a man in telling her what to do. No! He was showing weakness and indecision. He wasn’t sure of his ground so he wanted her to come to his patch where he felt most confident, he thought it meant he could control the situation. It just showed her that he didn’t know what he wanted and that between them they might find a solution. In my view the situation never recovered from this error. It is so basic that you must remember it. Know what you want and go to her. Show your confidence and take your presence to her.

She wasn’t sure if she had read it correctly and, being a woman, decided to test him. She went to him to see if he could retrieve the position. He started talking, that was the second error. He should have shown by his energy and by his actions  what he wanted, instead he talked. She immediately knew he didn’t know what he wanted, he wasn’t confident of his position. He was showing his weakness. So she stayed to give him some time, yet another female test. He didn’t recover so she left.

Virtually his last chance was to get on a plane and follow her. That could win her over. The strength and presence he would have shown could be all she needed. Of course her leaving was a test to see if he would follow her. No, he didn’t, end of story. Never think this is too late, you can still recover at this stage, but it needs strength and certainty.

His ultimate weakness was shown when he went to talk to a female friend about the situation seeking help and advice. Guys, that is the final, devastating weakness. Women are not there to be your confidante, even if they are not your girlfriend. That is what other men are for. We all are unsure at times. That’s why we go and have a beer with our mate and moan about women. We get the angst out of out system and find the strength to do what we really know we should have done all along.

The man we are talking about is a clever, successful man, he just doesn’t know his manhood. He spent his time pleading and placating. When I said to the two ladies, after hearing the story, “Pleading just doesn’t hack it”, they both looked at me and nodded furiously. That was his simple error, he pleaded with his girlfriend. Women hate that. It’s so weak they want to slap you. Before I made my shift I tried to plead with my, now, partner. She just said to me, “I don’t need another girlfriend, I need a man”. Wow, that hit home. It upset me, but it set me on the track to be the man I am today.

So men, take heed from this man. Don’t plead, don’t persuade. Decide what you want and go for it with total certainty, the one with the most certainty wins.

Finally I just want to say a quick word about female testing. They will always do it, as long as you are together. Women need to trust their men and the only way they can be sure you are trustworthy is to constantly test it. Look for it and love it. If it upsets you, you are finished, try becoming a monk instead.

Technorati Tags: equality, Female, masculine, masculine characteristics, Polarity, Presence, women

I was recently at a weekend seminar involving games play. It’s focus was on building confidence and certainty in developing businesses and business ideas. The major focus was on a form of personal development that enabled financial growth and success. The seminar had a greater percentage of women attendees than men, even though you might think that the content was more male oriented.

So here was presented, as often in the personal development world, a perfect opportunity for men to show themselves in their strength and power. As is, unfortunately, normal, the results were just pathetic. The men came over as scruffy, weak, introverted and the women were left wondering, “Where have all the men gone?”.

So what was the problem with the men? Why were they left floundering?

The clue was provided by looking at the women, as is virtually always the case. They women were dressed to impress, no matter what the style. The were conscious of what they looked like and how they presented themselves. The women had a clearer idea of who they were and projected that idea far more powerfully. It doesn’t mean that they were more powerful, just that you knew where they positioned themselves in the world. The men seemed to be unaware of how they presented themselves, who they were and how they were seen by others. How many times have you seen a couple out for a night out, the woman is dressed to kill and the man looks like a slob in t-shirt and jeans. He thinks he’s following fashion, actually he is just showing how weak and ineffectual he is.

My partner has often said to me that she loves that I enjoy dressing up when we go out. I always consider how I look and I love dressing to kill with ‘Black Tie’ and ‘DJ’ if I can. She sees it as showing my strength and certainty and it makes her feel great.

So what are the specific issues that men need to deal with:

1. Clothes:

   Men in their 20′s who are still slim can often get away with a great deal. A well chosen combination of jeans and t-shirt can look fantastic and very sexy. Beyond that age it just starts to look lazy and a mess. The clothes lack co-ordination, style and often never take the body types into consideration. There is nothing wrong with a larger man, It just needs to be taken into consideration when dressing.

2. Hair:

   Long or short, it’s not important, but stylish and trimmed makes a world of difference. Greasy, uncared for and hidden beneath a sweat stained baseball cap – ughh! Think of what would happen if a woman wanted to touch your hair, something women like to do!

3. Stance:

   Standing or sitting this immediately sends a message. Do you slouch in your chair with legs spread wide? Do you realise how unattractive this is, how inconsiderate? When you stand do you bend in a defensive position or do you show your confidence?

4. Expression:

   Expression can, and does, display everything you are feeling. So often men look dead inside. Is it because they are? When there is expression it can suggest he is unsure, out of his depth, and fearful. We have a greater concentration of muscles in our face than any other part of our body. This is so that our face can show our inner being.

5. Walk:

   We humans are different because we walk upright, or at least we are supposed to. We show our superiority this way. If we walk in an upright, confident posture we don’t need to resort to intimidation or dominance. Others can see us for what we are, even from a distance.

6. Tonality:

   I was concerned about the amount of hesitation that was shown by the men. When this is combined with the awful modern habit (particularly in Australia and America) of raising the tone at the end of a sentence, we get a strong picture of someone who doesn’t know what to say.

7. Speech:

   Words are everything, they can convey a rich depth and subtlety of meaning. Well at least that is the case for those that use them. Short sentences without elaboration or colour convey simply a lack of imagination. Imagination is what can drive a man forward and make him exciting. Hmmm!

8. Communication:

   Words are still only 7% of communication. What happens to the rest of it. Body language, that rich minefield of ‘tells’ and ‘secrets’, reveals even those aspects of yourself you are desperate to conceal. Whether you are speaking the truth, whether you actually believe what you say. Just watch Bobby Goren in ‘Law & Order, Criminal Intent’ and see this in action.

9. Attitude:

   Do you even care? Does it even matter to you? Are you just an island in this amazing world of people and relationships? I hope not! Indeed I don’t believe people who apparently don’t care. Perhaps it’s just that they don’t know where to start? It begins with awareness, with that all else flows.

10. Presence:

    Getting all of the above right creates presence. Women will give everything for a man with genuine presence, a man who can walk into a room and make heads turn. Presence starts inside, it starts with yourself. Presence shows the real essence of a man. Do you have it?

I know that seems a lot! It’s not necessary to work on them all at once. Start with one thing, your clothes or your hair and keep going. Remember this is not about attracting women it’s about taking yourself seriously, believing in yourself.

Men how do you rate yourself against the above. Can you see yourself as others see you? Do you want to change this? Do you want to become a man that takes himself seriously?

Technorati Tags: clothes, posture, Presence

An Extraordinary Video

Presence is a most important masculine characteristic. Men who master this are in command of themselves and their ability to relate to others.

It is the ability to know yourself and know what you are. It is the ability to take whatever comes at you and the ability to be the rock that women so desire.

I was in Fiji recently and attended a traditional Meke. One of the dancers from the local village was a little boy who has become an amazing performer. This video of him shows his presence and ability to be confident in himself. Look for the strong straight back right at the end when he walks away from the audience. Wow! He is going to be amazing when he grows up.

Technorati Tags: Fiji, Male, masculine, masculine characteristics, Presence, Role Model

Male eXperience feels strongly about stereotypical men. My son put in his blog, “if i ever become Frank Wheeler please tie me to a chair and punch me in the nose until I can smell my bullshit”. Having just seen Revolutionary Road myself I started thinking about Frank, thinking about the hopeless emptiness.Frank is the man that so many women meet and marry. Frank is the man that so many women fear they will end up with. Frank is so typical of so many men. He is overwhelmed with fear but doesn’t see it like that. He fears that underneath there is truly nothing there (I know that because for years that was me, I was scared I would be found out, scared that the truth would come out). He covers up that fear with concern for the children, promotion at work and a sense of responsibility for his wife. He pretends he wants to strike out for freedom, to go and find his passion, but he ends up like his mates and his colleagues. He settles for the ‘sensible’ option, a life of hard work and responsibility. He avoids the emotion but loses out on life.

Frank is also scared of his wife, as so many men are. Not only does he not understand her, he doesn’t try to. He is afraid of her wildness and her unpredictability. Why can’t she be more like him, why doesn’t she make sense? Of course, she’s a woman and, like so many men, he doesn’t understand them. He gets caught up in her passion when they are young, but expects her to settle down when they get older, get a house and have children and that that is enough as it is for him. As the song says, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” In the end he just sees her as mad, needing a psychiatrist, and her death at the end just proves it to him.

Men, wake up and see your women for what they really are, passionate, wild, unpredictable, chaotic, loving and so in need of some strength and presence from their man. You need to be a rock for her, strong and confident in yourself. You need to know yourself and you need to have conquered your fears. She needs to whirl around you and know you will still be there. She needs to have crazy ideas and know you won’t run away in fear. She doesn’t want you to control her or tell her what to do, but she wants you to understand her, even when she doesn’t understand herself. She wants you to know!

I throroughly enjoyed the film and thought the performances from Leonardo and Kate were amazing, even more powerful than Titanic. They really plumbed the depths of the characters and truly brought them to life. But even more stunning was the character of John, the ‘fool’ who spoke the truth. He brought an amazing film to life. Men, go and see this film and take action, never become Frank Wheeler.

Technorati Tags: Frank Wheeler, Masculinity, Passion, Presence, Revolutionary Road, Role Model