Alpha, Gay, Christian or New?

I have been looking at how men are portrayed on the Internet. It has not been edifying finding they are portrayed at the edges of society.

Positive Portrayal

Male eXperience is dedicated to helping men to re-awaken their core and believes that all men are capable of re-discovering their masculine essence. In doing this men will be re-establishing their presence and their strength as men. This is something that society is currently lacking and that women are seeking. In finding this role men will be placing themselves between the Macho Hard Men  and the Soft New Men so often portrayed in today’s society. This is a position of normality where men show strength rather than domination or submission. This is where men are seen as a ‘rock’ with focus and certainty.

I have found a number of sites that espouse this approach, but they are few in number. I will be looking at these in more detail in a future post, but would like to mention a few in passing:

• Revolutionary Man – Radical Personal Development for Smart, Evolving Men.
• The Good Men Project – Real Stories from the Frontlines of Modern Manhood.
• The Masculine Heart – Seeking the Strong, Tender Heart Inherent in Men.

The Edges of Society

Beyond this the portrayal of men gives me great cause for concern. Search around under Men and Masculinity there is a portrayal which does not encourage men to shift from the often weak places they are currently. It is difficult for them to find a ‘normal’ presentation of what it is to be a man. What I found are types of portrayal that are beyond the norm. This does not mean that these types of men are not normal or outside of society in any way. They each have their place in society and are all perfectly acceptable. They are, however, what I would be recommending to men seeking to become more of themselves.

Alpha Male

The first common type of masculinity portrayed is that of the ‘Alpha Male’. This is by far the most worrying of the three. In this category I would also place ‘Pick Up Artists’. They all play what they call ‘The Game’ which teaches men how to become successful in picking up and having sex with women. I have written on this before (Are Alpha Males Real, Who is Kidding Alpha Males) and am very concerned about their effect on men and how they are seen by others. My issue with them is their domination of women for a short-term, selfish goal. They use elements of truth to justify their actions and demean people who don’t agree with them as ‘Betas’. The fact is that women like and enjoy strength and certainty in men, they look for power and that certain something that oozes from men who are totally comfortable with themselves. This does not mean domination. It can and should incorporate compassion and a sense of leadership that used to be inherent in the male role in society. There are many Alpha Males on the internet who blog about their experiences but there are also many who seek to profit from the desperation of many men seeking help.

Gay Male

Gay men are, by their nature, active in trying to create legitimacy for themselves and trying to create a more normal role in society. This I support and have no issue with. They are not trying to propose being gay as a solution for men who are unsure of their role. The difficulty comes with the effect on those very men of the sheer quantity of sites around. Gay men use the term ‘masculinity’ in a provocative, sexual sense which makes sense to them but confuses others. It tends to scare off the man who is seeking and often ensures he retreats to his cave. It is difficult to use the term masculinity without the overtones the gay community put on it causing fear over what masculinity and sexuality actually mean for men. In fact there is no threat to men who are comfortable with themselves. They know who and what they are and never feel threatened by other’s portrayal of them.

Christian Male

This was the most surprising discovery for me. I am a christian myself and have been part of men’s groups in the past. They are admirable and can be very helpful to men trying to understand themselves and the society in which they find themselves. The portrayal of the christian male is interesting and somewhat close to the truth of what is needed for men, it shows an internal strength and a role in the family which can be helpful. I struggle to find fault with it whilst knowing that it is not the way for men to go, unless they already have deep christian faith. This is part of the issue, that it suggests that to become a man you need to find faith. I have no problem with men finding faith, but I don’t think it is a necessary pre-requisite for finding your masculinity. This will frighten men off who only know the dominating images of men from the Bible.

New Man

The New Man has become the norm for men in recent times. It has been his response to the strength of women and the aggression of feminists. Many men have retreated into their caves and become submissive and compassionate partners who let their women rule the roost and give up all attempts to be strong or certain. This has caused much anxiety amongst men who only see domination as an alternative. The confuse strength with abuse and are confused by the constant potrayal of men as abusive to women and children in the media. It is precisely becuse many men are abusive that they retreat from their potential position of strength. They do not know how to be a man.

What should Men do?

The easy answer is ‘be a man’ and judge carefully what you read on the internet. To be a man you need to go inside yourself and find your own strength. This will never be provided by others, even by me. It will only come from getting to know yourself and how you portray yourself to the world. If being Alpha, Gay or Christian is part of this, then so be it. If not don’t let that frighten you away from your destiny. Men are not frightened away from anything!

Technorati Tags: Alpha Male, Christian Male, Gay Male, Masculinity, Men, new man

In the Good Men Project Tom Matlack talked recently about re-defining the Alpha Male. The issue of the Alpha male is something I have talked about before.

He talks about re-defining what an Alpha Male is,

“…perhaps we humans, particularly the males of the species, can rethink what it means to be an alpha male. “Since we seem to be stuck with the word alpha,” said Owens, “how about redefining the term so it’s no longer about dominance and aggression and more in line with the leadership role that good parents exhibit?” If we use that definition, then I’d like to think that I’m an alpha male — someone with strong leadership qualities rooted in compassion, kindness, and consideration for others.”

Well I agree with him, although I would add other qualities such as presence and focus but my regular readers will know that. My issue though is not with his concept but with the idea that we can change people’s definition of what an Alpha Male is. For me there are too many people out there promoting the aggressive view of Alpha Males, selling pick-up guides and generally giving men a bad name. The idea is so deep rooted, certainly on the internet, because it suits many men who like to avoid their emotions and any sense of responsibility.

I would like to see a new definition that encapsulates the idea of a dominant male who has compassion, a sense of responsibility and strong leadership qualities. I have thought about this and would like to propose the term ‘Re-Awakened Man’. This term arises from the idea that we are all born with the qualities of masculinity we need in this life. During our life we are conditioned by parents, society and events to suppress or contain many of these qualities. This core essence needs re-awakening to enable the full essence of a man’s masculinity to re-appear.

I would be interested in my reader’s reaction to name or whether any of you have any other suggestions. Let me know by commenting on this post.

Technorati Tags: Alpha Male, core essence, Gender, Leadership, Masculinity, Men