My latest essay on The Good Men Project looks at a recent confidence crisis I went through.
The Magic of Certainty looks at a crisis of self-doubt that hit to the core of what I feel about myself as a man. At the beginning,
“I fell into a crisis of confidence, a crisis that felt like its claws were digging into the core of what I feel about myself as a man. This crisis involved my relationship or, more accurately, my imagined relationship with my dad.”
I used to hide behind a mask of masculinity and live a lie. I started to wonder if that mask was back.
“In having the crisis, was I back behind the mask of dominance and control that I learned from my dad? The idea that I can only move things forward if I am in control is one that had been eating away at me. It took me back to seeing my dad not being able to control the situation with my foot, to him feeling locked out from the powerful emotions coming from my mum.”
I came through the crisis and made some important realisations about myself. What I discovered was an inner certainty.
“It appears in me knowing what I want and knowing the direction I want to go in. Others will choose to come alongside and work with me, or have relationships with me, not because I put pressure on, not because I am the loudest. People will come with me because they choose to, because they see power in what I am doing. There is nothing I can do to create this other than be sure of it myself and allow others to see my belief in it.”