One of the biggest issues that women see in men is the inability of many men—and I mean many men—to stay true to themselves and their strength. They step up… and then… they step back.
Much of what I write about in Male eXperience is encouraging and helping men to step up. To step up and be a man is what so many men want. They feel weak or inadequate, or they feel fear of over-stepping the mark. They are seeking how to find, and live in, their own strength. They are looking for their Personal Masculinity.
The two ladies I was talking to have experience of helping and encouraging men to find their strength in their own lives. They have done this because of two important female qualities.
The first is that they can sense, and almost see, the capabilities of the man they are with. This is nothing to do with deciding what the man should be or what he should do, but is everything to do with seeing the man’s capabilities, understanding mens issues. Often the man is unsure of himself but the woman is very sure of what he is capable of.
The second is the intuition a woman has about where the man is at any moment, in terms of his capabilities. They know, instinctively, whether a man is in his strength or not. This has nothing to do with what he says or does, it is about the energy he gives off. A woman senses that energy even when the man has no idea it exists.
There are men who just don’t reach their inner strength, no matter what they do. They often have issues they need to work on, blocks they need to remove.
What upsets the women, in particular the two I was talking to, is the men who do step up… and then step back again.
This is more common than I realised. This is the man who finds his strength, his masculinity, his sense of himself, and then finds he is incapable of maintaining it.
He becomes frightened of it. Maybe it sets off alarm bells in his consciousness, reminders of lessons from his mother or father, maybe it triggers memories of when it hasn’t worked in the past, maybe he fears ridicule, maybe he just can’t stand the responsibility, maybe he doesn’t like the uncertainty. Whatever is the issue, he withdraws from his place of power and seeks confirmation that he is OK.
Well, he isn’t!
Men, you have to understand that women want to see you in this place of power and strength. It’s not power over them, it’s power over yourself.
When you find it, hold it and build it.
Feel the energy of it and celebrate it.
—Photo Elvert Barnes/Flickr