For men its important to get in touch with the maleness that they were born with, their masculine features. The sense of being a man that was imprinted in their brain in the womb.
Many men struggle because they believe the lie that it is all a social construct. They believe the story that is told that we are all the same. They believe that we are all masculine and feminine inside. They believe that, in the core, there is no difference. They believe there is no such thing as inherent masculine features.
I am not arguing the biological or genetic pros and cons, that’s for another day, I am speaking from my experience.
Socialisation has an enormous influence on what we become, it is responsible for much of the crisis of masculinity I see today. Socialisation is what affects men and what stops them being men.
Men have a bad reputation. They are dominating, cruel, selfish, lacking in feeling, sexual predators, child molesters and brainless idiots. The problem is that much of this is true. Many men are some, or all, of these.
Women have been fighting back against men for several generations. They have been fighting against domination by men. They are having some success in this, women are being increasingly accepted as equals in the workplace and elsewhere. They still have a long way to go and their success will only come as men, more generally, see the necessity for it.
Unfortunately many men believe that equality for women will only come through their rejection of dominance and all that is associated with it. That means they reject any sign of strength in themselves, they reject their masculine features. This is wrong. This does not help women.
To see women as equals men do not need to buy in to the idea that they need to be weak. On the contrary they need to find their internal strength so they can welcome female strength. They do not need to ‘find their feminine’ in order to let go of domination of women. They do not need to give up their masculinity.
To put my view clearly:
Men have Masculinity in their core and Women have Femininity in their core.
The polarity of this is what relationships thrive on.
This doesn’t mean that men can’t embrace feminine qualities and that women can’t embrace masculine qualities.
Women’s equality in the workplace comes on the back of embracing qualities such as focus. This doesn’t make women masculine, it provides the qualities that create success at work.
Equally men’s success as fathers today comes by accepting the feminine quality of nuturing. It doesn’t make the man feminine, it rounds out his masculinity.
Men need to find their inner power and strength, and lose their dominance. Men need to find their focus and presence, and lose their emotional repression. Men need to become men, men that appreciate and understand women. Men need to get in touch with their masculine features.
Men, you can accept your core masculinity, you can embrace it.