To grow as a man and learn how to be with a woman you need to start with yourself.Knowing yourself is great beginning, but loving yourself is the end you should aim for.
Loving yourself may not seem very ‘manly’. It may seem a little soft or ‘new age’ to you, but believe me it’s absolutely essential if you want to gain self confidence and become more grounded.
This is important if you lack confidence in yourself or your relationship, or if you find it difficult to love for others. If you become grounded and love yourself youll take a crucial step to avoiding feeling awkward around women and youll gain confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Understanding how to love yourself will enable you to love others and create a feeling a certainty in those around you.
Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.
Being grounded means you are in touch with reality and able to resist pressure from those around you. You are able to be certain in yourself and enable others to feel certain around you. This is real strength, especially in men. To know that you can deal with the chaos of the world, to know that you can contain the wildness of women is a quality that helps to define a man.
Women love the freedom of being able to live in their spontaneity. Women love men that can live with their femininity and not be knocked sideways by it.
To achieve this you need to focus on yourself.
This focus needs to be positive and creative. When I was young I remember being frozen with shyness because I focused on myself in a negative way. I thought that women would laugh at me at best, ignore me at worst. I focused on everything that I thought I wasn’t. I looked at other boys my own age and decided I could never be like them.
Years later I realised how true this was. I could never be like them because I was me. I had my own qualities and style. What I didn’t do when I was shy was focus on this. I realise now how amazing I am. I believe what people say about me and accept my creative side..
When you focus on yourself in a positive, creative way you open yourself to hearing and seeing how amazing you are. Once you rid yourself of any doubt you find you can accept all that you are. It is essential that you do this and do it with total openness.
When you dont focus on yourself in this way you find that you focus on other people and see what’s great or good in them. If you just do this then you only see what you don’t have. As I was when I was shy, you become frozen by the knowledge of what you are not.
By all means look at others but remember to model them and absorb what is great in them. Use this to draw yourself forward into being even more amazing.
To go down this route you need to look at your core and your inner light. You look at what is essentially you, what is the deep basis of who you are. We all grow and learn through life but this is built on the essential core of who you are. Your inner light is part of this core and part of the amazing you.
Life shifted dramatically for me when I realised that I didn’t need to search any more for the truth about me or what I was here for. I learned that this was already inside me and part of me. I needed to learn skills and techniques in life but the basis had been with me all along. My power, my love and my compassion were a deep part of me, and I had always had them. Failing to focus on me meant I missed this.
Your values and beliefs are created by your unconscious mind. Changing your unconscious pattern of thought will change the whole basis of your life. Your expectations and choices are created by your unconscious mind. Your consciousness of your inner self is your capacity to love yourself.
“How should you go about this?” You may ask. “I understand what is necessary but how do I go about it?”
There are a number of simple steps you can take that will help you re-pattern your thought processes. For example:
- Treat others with respect.
- Let go of past events.
- Forgive yourself.
- Eliminate self criticism.
- Focus on what you have done.
- Acknowledge your efforts.
- Be yourself.
- Trust yourself.
- Shift your focus.
- Stand up for what you believe in.
- Dont apologise for your passions.
- Have confidence in your abilities.
- Be Truthful To Yourself.
- Nurture Your Dreams.
More specifically it could help you to go through the following set of questions to assess the extent of your self-belief. Get a notebook or a journal and write down the answers.
- Honestly ask the question, do you love yourself? If you are unsure then ask yourself, can you love yourself?
- If you answered yes then write down all the ways you love yourself, write down all the things you love about yourself. You can be honest, no-one else is going to read this.
- If you answered no or arent sure then write down all the parts of yourself that get in the way. What is it you arent sure of? What dont you like?
- Can you let go of the things that get in the way? What would it take to love yourself? What are the things you could love about yourself?
Ken Page, a Psychotherapist, poured his scorn on self-love. In ‘Psychology Today’ he said,
“Everyone’s heard this self-help platitude: We need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. This may sound wise, but it misses a great truth; if we want to experience true intimacy, we need to be taught to love aspects of ourselves–again and again–by the people around us.”
If you just rely on those around us to teach you about love you fall into a passive way of coming to love yourself. I prefer to use my ability to love myself to show others how to love me. That creates an interaction that grows and builds.
Listen to yourself and listen to others. Learn to love yourself so you can love others. Learn to love others so you can learn to love yourself.
—Photo Jun Seita/Flickr