I believe that as men we are all born with an in-built masculine essence, we are all masculine men. The basic energy that drives us from deep inside. It is the energy that determines the way we feel, and what makes us happy. I believed in men with male energy.
During our life we adapt in response to events and life challenges. We do this to survive as human beings. Regardless of the nature of these events and challenges, the intensity with which we experience them shapes during our lifetime.
This adaptation is a result of a basic fear that is rooted deep inside each and every one of us, namely that we are not good enough as we are, and therefore the people that matter most to us in life won´t love us.
This fear is such a strong motivator, that we force ourselves to adapt into whatever we feel will retain that love, in order to prove to our source of love that we are worthy. It works for us in the moment, so we stick to the strategy!
It is through this adaptation that we put our authentic selves to sleep. Part of this is the masculine energy inside us. We shift away from the connection to our inner core, and leave it behind as we perceive it as too dangerous and in many cases too painful to remember.
Growing into Masculine Men
As we grow into adulthood, this adapted masculinity becomes more confused about the role it plays in a our life. There are several reasons for this.
First of all our fathers, mothers, teachers, peers and the media are very happy to present us with role models of masculinity men and, using symbols and archetypes, construct images based on socially accepted rules as anchors for us to grab onto. We unconsciously embrace these ideals and adapt to them.
Secondly, following the growth of the strength of women men were invited to join in household life, and women took on jobs in the workforce. This led to a reversal of roles, and more equality in the relationship. This is often referred to as ‘new’ or ‘integrated’ masculinity perhaps ‘confused, is more appropriate.
People believed this newfound equality in relationships was the solution to many problems, in their personal life as well as in their relationships. But looking around in today´s western society, it is clear to me that something else is needed. Most people are still not feeling fulfilled. The question is why not? What else do we need?
The answer is that we need to re-awaken those parts of ourselves that are dormant within us and find our own ‘Personal Masculinity’. We need to find our own route to our deep masculine. We need to discover the masculine traits in men.
Having grown through our personal life experiences to a stage of sharing and equality, men are now ready to clear up the confusion by adding their true core to the mix. This means moving away from society’s and parent’s role models and discovering who we really are at our core. One of the major elements in this is the re-awakening of our own male characteristics.
In re-awakening the dormant parts of ourselves we will become whole, as we become whole we won’t need people or material goods around us to fill the void inside us anymore. We will be complete and from that completeness we will act and behave differently, as we connect from a place of feeling at ease within ourselves.
From this place of completeness, we will create a new type of relationship with the people around us, as we no longer feel dependent. In an intimate relationship, where a clearly defined masculine essence is present, a strong polarity is created. A polarity that can be missing in a relationship based on equality.
With ‘Male eXperience’ I deliberately move away from the overused ‘masculine’ and seek to define what I see as re-awakened or personal masculine men, . It is my belief that we need to look at individuals as a whole, and define personal masculine energy with the help of certain traits. These traits are a mixture of masculine and feminine characteristics, a mixture that we are all composed of.
To determine the specific combination of masculine and feminine energy for individuals, I have looked at a range of characteristics of the masculine and the feminine nature. I have chosen six characteristics we believe are the most basic to the core masculine and feminine energy.
The six basic characteristics of masculine energy are: Presence, Stamina, Grounding, Power, Focus, Encompassing. By comparison the six basic characteristics of feminine energy are: Freedom, Chaos, Surrender, Nurturing, Sponteneity, Trust. I will look at these characteristics further in future articles before explaining how they are used to describe everyone’s personal masculinity.
We often find ourselves in a state of Confused Masculinity. We reject the ‘old masculine paradigm’. We reject the old macho images created by society and our peers. But we become lost as to what to replace it with. Yes, we become open, authentic, honest, but we can stray into a confused state where any sense of masculinity is lost.
We need to look to out our personal masculinity, find its strength and fully live it to regain any sense of ourselves, to fully become Masculine Men.