Male Bonding

I love seeing the way men bond.

I am sitting by Sneekermeer in Friesland in The Netherlands. It’s a beautiful Saturday morning, bright and cold. Looking out over the water I see a typical picture of Male Bonding. Two men sitting in a boat fishing. Two men with their backs to each other, not talking but enjoying each other’s company. They wouldn’t do it alone, it just wouldn’t be the same. Women find this incomprehensible

So what is it that men are doing and why do they find such comfort in it?

1) Nothing Box

Men love being in their ‘Nothing Box’ (coined by the comedian Mark Gungor, see The Tale of Two Brains, very funny and so true). The way they deal with stress and responsibility is to leave it all behind for a time and empty their minds completely. They find this refreshing and invigorating. Sometimes I do this while my partner’s mind is raging around ‘everthing’ that’s going on. She cannot understand how I can just switch off! When men do this together they support each other in this place.

2) Focus

Men love to focus, it’s their raison d’etre. Even better is when men can focus together. Fishing is focusing, on the fish, on the techniques, on being out and away. Together the encourage each other and intensify the focus.

3) Being Together

Men find it difficult to be together without having a reason, a purpose. Women love the process of being together for no reason just talking and talking. men are not natural ‘talkers’, they need to be ‘doing’. Just being together suggests a closeness that is dangerous for men, disturbing. (Remember the film Brokeback Mountain…) This is something they do with women. But if there is a task… then it’s ok.

4) Talking

Finally there is talking. Men do it to communicate information, otherwise why bother. They will talk about what needs to be done, etc., on the trip, but they won’t fill the time with endless chatter. What is the purpose of that?

I love being a man, it’s so straightforward!